Negotiation trick: mirror your opponent

Let's face it, we think of some lawyers as animals - someone who will pounce on the opposition and rip him to shreds until the desired results are achieved.

A partner I once worked for years ago - let's call him 'Dick' - was a master at it: a pitbull at the negotiation table (and everywhere else), he deployed intimidation and brute strength, with some moments of charm, to win the day. Dick usually got what he wanted, but he left lots of bruised feelings and resentment in his wake.

I probably could have done with a calmer role model. Much better are those lawyers who achieve the results without the blood. They tend not to make such a big impression, but maybe that's the point.

There's lots of advice out there about the art of negotiation; most of it is focused on the verbal give-and-take. But a recent article 'How To Win An Argument Without Words' on Forbes.com by Nick Morgan takes a different approach: he argues that body talk can be just as critical in adversarial situations.

His first rule: "Mirror your adversary." Writes Morgan. "When the other party adopts a certain seated or standing position, try to adopt a similar one yourself. You want to move slowly until you more or less match the other person's stance." Standing or sitting in a similar position as your opponent "will send an unconscious message to the person that you are on an equal level and generally in agreement with them. They will begin to trust you."

But what if your opponent is "violently disagreeing with you" or using threatening gestures? Obviously, drop the mirror routine. Instead, "align," says Morgan. "Often strong verbal argument comes from a desire to be heard and acknowledged. If you align yourself with the person - that is, sit or stand facing in the same direction - you'll be surprised how often all protest will cease."

What to do if neither technique works and tension is at a boiling point? "Use the hands-down gesture to dampen it. When tempers flare and feelings run high, spread your hands out, palms down, at about waist height, and gently push them down a couple of inches. If you're sitting at a table, you'll have to bring your hands above the horizontal plane of the tabletop. Again, this must be done so subtly that it probably isn't consciously noticed. Repeat as necessary. This gesture sends a clear message that it's wise and safe to calm down now."

Morgan has one word of caution about all these tips: Don't be obvious about what you're doing. That's sage advice. I can easily see how 'mirroring' your opponent could be viewed as ridicule or an unintended replay of the I Love Lucy episode in which Lucy mirrors Harpo Marx. Come to think of it, though, maybe that comic relief is a reward in itself.

The Careerist is a blog by American Lawyer Media.

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