Career Clinic: Is my boss entitled to ask me to keep my pregnancy a secret?

Sounds familiar

You have to be honest with your clients. I was asked to do the same whilst at a well-known firm in Edinburgh. I was astounded, but did what I was asked to. It will only be a matter of months until it becomes obvious so you are better being upfront about it. I think that a number of clients felt let down that I hadn't told them. It isn't the end of the world as my boss thought it was and most of my clients have children and so were actually very supportive and happy for me. You need to give your clients the benefit of the doubt and handle it your way.

Knowthefeeling -03 Nov 2011 | 11:06

FUBAR

The events described in this post and the previous comment are an indictment of the profession! What planet are these people on?

Indahouse -03 Nov 2011 | 12:27

Give the clients more credit

The first time I was pregnant, instructions stopped coming in from one client in particular, an elderly gent of the old school. The client partner thought this might be the client's idea of chivalry - it turned out it was just that there was no work to give at that point. The instructions flooded in after the normal summer lull.

Maybe your partner is running scared from queries about who will handle your workload while you are off?

Mum on the run -03 Nov 2011 | 13:52

It is a judgement call and you are entitled to deliver the message to your clients in the way that feels most comfortable. If you are at the start of a lengthy transaction, some clients may be hesitant about building a relationship with you (or the firm) if they feel you'll be leaving soon (and possibly indefinitely) particularly if there have been a few departures (maternity or otherwise) in the team. In addition, it is sometimes not good for team morale if for example there have been several departures in your team as your colleagues may be worried about being further burdened with your work. I don't think your boss was telling you to lie I think she simply meant just be discreet and don't shout about it from the rooftops.

Anonymous -03 Nov 2011 | 14:36

Ludicrous

As if any of your clients will care. You're just a City grunt. Your job can be done by anyone - it's not like it needs any great skill or talent. Your clients probably don't remember your name most of the time, and probably see lawyers generally as just a tedious and expensive gating issue. I really wouldn't waste a single second bothering about them - because the feeling is mutual.

US Associate -03 Nov 2011 | 15:39

I've experienced this from the other end as client recently and I was annoyed that I wasn't told sooner. What made it worse was that I wasn't even told by the associate herself, the partner broke the news to me like it was a message that needed to be carefully managed.

When I have worked with someone pretty closely for a couple of years I feel they should be allowed to tell me their own news in their own time and I should be able to congratulate them. We are all just human beings after all, and we tend to respond positively to the human element in each other, so things like this can actually help a working relationship if they are acknowledged.

It was clear to me that it wasn't the associate's choice to keep it quiet and doing so must have been quite awkward for her. I've had to give feedback to the firm in question before that I think they are stuck in the dark ages, so I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, but really, what are they thinking?

In houser in the sticks -04 Nov 2011 | 13:17

What a bizarre question.

Unless it is allowed by law and under your contract of employment, the answer is no. Is this beyond a senior associate?

Thor -04 Nov 2011 | 14:52

To 'Thor'

Not everything in life is dealt with in purely legal terms.

In the real world, people have values such as 'consideration', 'honesty', 'trust' and 'respect'. Don't know if you've heard of any of them.

If your boss asks you to do something, and even if you regard that request as unreasonable, I'm not sure a flat refusal due to legal or contractual reasons will go down super well.

If everything was as simple as 'refer to the law and you'll find the solution', no-one would ever need to use their minds.

Maybe Richard Susskind was onto something...

Anonymous -04 Nov 2011 | 15:15

Pointless

The entire exercise is pretty pointless when you consider that you could be showing with a reasonably apparent bump from as soon as 18 weeks, which would mean the secret would last about a month.

And as others have said, it will be worse in the long run when clients find out they have been lied to, which they will sooner or later. Even if you can hide it at 20 weeks, you certainly won't be able to at 30.

The partner involved is a nutcase.

Pointless -08 Nov 2011 | 09:18

Depends

I agree with the comments above, it is a fairly pointless exercise you are being asked to undertake.

One can only assume your partner is trying to have a replacement available who can be immediately introduced to the client following the formal announcement to provide comfort that your departure will have no bearing on the provision of service.

If that is their plan their request is reasonable and should not necessarily be regarded as anything more sinister.

Pressure to wear clothes to hide your pregnancy should be ignored and if pressed would amount to bullying in my opinion but that may be a matter for later on, should it arise.

In summary, keep a close eye on how things develop but escalating matters now may be a tad premature.

Dr Who -08 Nov 2011 | 11:13

In time......

Seems a bit of fuss over not very much.

If you plan to continue your career as before on your return, your priority should be making sure you have the option to come back to a full in-tray with all the clients still safely on board. Clients are entitled to ask, and be told, how their work will be dealt with in your absence. The partner, rather than you, may be better placed to answer that.

As a result, I'd tell the partner that you are happy to go along with it subject to: (a) any really close relationships where the news is best delivered by you personally; and (b) it being done quickly so you don't have to mislead clients or hide in the office and avoid meetings once it is obvious.

Clients might well be concerned for your welfare, delighted at your news, etc. Ultimately, though, you have a business relationship and, niceties aside, they may be more concerned about how that will be managed than they are about your personal circumstances which aren't really something they have a right to know about unless you open it up. If, rather than tell everyone, you wanted to keep it secret, in my view you would be equally entitled to do that for as long as it was possible.

My guess is the firm will make a hash of it or prevaricate and you will end up telling them anyway!

Young Fogey -08 Nov 2011 | 11:28

sackedinthecity

As a female client I am not surprised that someone should be asked to mask their pregnancy... but by a female partner??. Does she have no children or has a perceived prejudice from clients? I was advised by a solicitor at the start of a big case in Scotland that she was pregnant. I was delighted and we jointly ate her necessary food stocks in court!! This attitude is so outmoded and perhaps she should engineer a conversation with HR??

N Kennelly -08 Nov 2011 | 11:38

Use common sense

If you have your own clients, you can decide how and when to tell them. If you work for a partner and they are his clients, then you need to be understanding to the partner's client communication requests. Having said that, if this request makes you feel uncomfortable, you should discuss this with the partner in question and suggest how you would prefer to handle this. He/she may or may not agree, but this is most likely to resolve your issue.

There is no right answer to your question - different people would handle this in different ways. I had my two children when I was junior and mid-level associate respectively. Whilst nobody asked me to keep my pregnancies secret, I felt more comfortable to keep it very low-key myself (this is a private matter, after all), did not raise the subject with clients until it was necessary (usually about a few weeks before the due date), wore business clothes which concealed rather than showcased the bump (work is not the place to showcase your pregnancy, in my view), and it worked for me. It may be different if you work in private client/family law (I am in commercial dispute resolution, with most clients large corporates).

Best of luck.

Stinging Nettle -08 Nov 2011 | 12:12