Career Clinic: My boss doesn't trust me to manage while she's away

Be careful

It's very commendable that you want to take on more responsibility and not have your hand held by your boss at every turn. However, she is your boss and ignoring what she says and just doing your own thing is not going to do you any favours.

Jigga -12 Aug 2010 | 13:09

Is your boss right?

What makes you think that you know more or know better than your boss? Unfortunately until you are the boss you have to follow what the boss says. (S)he may be a bit controlling and that can be very irritating but going against a direct order is not going to help you in the long term. Knuckle down and prove that you know what you are talking about and over time you should get more responsibility - if not, then it is time to move on.

NQ -12 Aug 2010 | 14:48

Seniority and personality

It partly depends on your level of seniority of course. But it also depends on your boss's personality - if she is a control freak or a workaholic, there ain't much you can do about it.

That being said, have you tried to have a reasoned discussion with her on the subject and reassure her as to your management skills?

French Greg -12 Aug 2010 | 14:49

You earn trust

Anyone involved in client services feels anxious on holiday. You will enjoy your boss's holiday more if you understand that managing her sense of calm is job no 1.

However clever you are, do you really believe that you can call things with more skill than your boss or that you really know better - I mean really know? Don't moan - go with it. Copy the boss in on emails; send copies of attendance notes of contact with significant clients; demonstrate that it is all under control and lose the Napoleon complex. If you earn her trust then you will progress.

Tim Randles -12 Aug 2010 | 15:04

act like a boss - and she will treat you like a boss

She is nervous and worried. Stop trying to fight against her. Email her a short note every morning (and/or afternoon if she is that BlackBerry addicted) friendly, upbeat, full of "I handled it like this, what else do you think I should do?" and giving her all the news so that she feels that you are looking after her interests, care about her opinion, but can handle it all yourself. Next time she goes away she will trust and rely on you more. The way you are talking is very 'staff' like - 'cat's away. I can play'. Acting like the boss: 'I have stakeholders and it's part of my job to keep them informed' will work so much better in the long run.

mini mi -12 Aug 2010 | 15:10

proactive

One way to gain trust is when things come in, email her with a short summary stating the issue and the course of action you're going to take (and a draft if she requires that). Then she can get in the habit of OKing what you do until you build the level of trust necessary for her to relax and take a more cursory overview.

proactive -13 Aug 2010 | 10:35

pls disregard above

I don't agree with some of the above. There isn't time to prepare cute little reports for your boss, just copy her into everything and do exactly what she says. That way, any bad calls are her fault.

Either she isn't the trusting type or you aren't the trustworthy type. For the issue at hand it doesn't matter which. She queen, you drone.

Anonymous -18 Aug 2010 | 14:59

Doesn't sound like much of a holiday if you spend every day on the BlackBerry.

The firm I work at frowns on that kind of thing.
a. They do not encourage delegation and staff development;
b. Security and confidentiality issues - what happens when the BlackBerry gets lost or stolen?
c. Staff burnout;
d. They can be a great cover for the errant fee earner - we find here that getting someone else on the case can sometimes identify things not being as they should be, which then gives us an opportunity to do something about what we find. For example we identified more staff training and supervision was needed in relation to a senior fee earner who went on extended leave last year.

You'll need to go along with this behaviour for the time being; people get addicted to BlackBerrying as they get endorphins from the messages.

Also, some people do BlackBerrying as a way of avoiding boring situations or spending time with family/partner/friends etc.

Ask your boss on her return if she really had a good holiday and see what reaction you get! You might be able to steer her to some self -realisation that what she is doing is not really any fun.

If she says she does it because the partners insist, I'd look for another job if you don't like the idea of ending up like that when you are higher up the ladder.

I am 19 years qualified and I have never used the BlackBerry. However I do prepare in advance for my holidays, do file notes for colleagues, tell my clients I am having one (they all say, "have a good time, you deserve it") and delegate to people I trust.

The trick is to be prepared in advance and then when you get to your last day, tell yourself you have done everything you can and you have to leave your worries behind you.

I have great holidays as a result of that philosophy and I have a 13 year marriage to boot. Good luck!

If your boss refuses to change, she'll go crazy after a while, so prepare for some enforced leave. You can only work like that for so long before you get tired, have a heart attack etc.

high street solicitor -19 Aug 2010 | 18:46

Help your boss to switch off

To quote a phrase: 'what you resist persists' so ignoring it will not solve the problem. Beliefs drive behaviour so your boss may think that she can't switch off because she has to be responsible at all times.

I suggest that you email your boss something like "You deserve a break - what can I do while you are away to reassure you that everything is well and under control?' or "What do you need from me to enable you to switch off from work and really enjoy your holiday?"

These are examples of 'coaching style of management' questions which is increasingly, if slowly, being adopted by companies and firms.

It is also easy to create meaning inaccurately from how other people behave and what they say and it makes sense to check your assumptions. Just because your boss is in touch with work while she is on holiday does not mean that she doesn't trust you. In coaching we call these self limiting thoughts 'Gremlins'.

Rachel Brushfield -24 Aug 2010 | 06:37

Mistakes

High street solicitor makes a very good point about people not wanting to be away because they are scared they have made mistakes and don't want someone else to uncover them.

Lawyers are under enormous pressure to be perfect and I'm not at all surprised if they want to be informed while away. Of course switching off and having a proper rest makes it far less probable that you will make a mistake once back at the office, but people don't think that way. So consider that it may not be your boss being a pain, it may just be her lack of confidence in herself.

On the other hand, there are control freak bosses - you just have to put up with them until you can work for someone less freakish!

Helen -07 Sep 2010 | 11:32

Personality management

My best advice for managing this personality is copy her in more, give her all the information and quiet reassurance she needs to reassure her you really are looking after the ship while she's away. Maybe even ask her advice on some things, believe it or not some people just like to know they are needed, even if you would prefer a holiday. As someone said the more you resist the worse it will be. Go with her flow and she might relax the reins - just a bit.

Anecdotal -20 Oct 2010 | 20:16